Life has been crazy for me lately. Not necessarily crazy in a bad way. It doesn't mean that everything that has been happening, all the events, have been good. But I have taken something good from all of them. Something good can be taken from everything. I have struggled some but I have risen to the challenges life has thrown at me.
I think one of the biggest reasons is all the support I have right now. The biggest being Kelsey. She is amazing. I love her with all my heart and soul. She is sometimes my only reason. My parents help me so much too. It is utterly amazing how much our relationship has changed. I love them. I have so many friends and being at school helps too. I am so grateful for what i have. I have accomplished so much too. I have reason. I have done a lot on my own. I am learning. I am doing. I have changed and have done a lot of the work. This is my journey and I am fighting.
Ed hasn't ever helped me in the long run, not really. Ed isn't a true friend. He doesn't love me. He doesn't care. He just uses me, hurts me and those around me. My life isn't worth anything to him. Ed doesn't give me control. He controls me.
In recovery, I have control. I have freedom. Yes, sometimes it is hard and sucks. I sometimes have a fall. I cry at times. I want to stop, but I don't. I keep going. Today is 5 months free from behaviors, another month to celebrate. I am doing this. I deserve this life. WE ALL DO!It is possible.
I am not free yet. I am still working on a lot. I am working on my self-esteem. Working on my self-love, perfectionism and other things. Life is a journey. Recovery is the destination. Just got to keep going right?
