A new year and a new perspective. I don't know why but for me I seem to see life differently, in a more calm and open way. I don't feel controlling but I don't feel completely trusting (but there is some..HUGE). It isn't dissociating at all but it is nice. Nice to feel peace and calm not only with myself but with others because there has been no peace in my life really....it has been chaotic. There has been medical stuff I've had to deal with, family a little bit but nothing compared to the past, school started again which was way stressful, holidays came and went, and many more little things. The thing is I've been better at not letting the little things get to me as much at least. Reaching out for support has been a key reason. I have a few friends that I couldn't live without, nor Kelsey or my mom who have been AMAZING. My relationship with my parents have changed so much during my recovery process and especially since I moved out of the house and started college (ironic or not who knows). My relationship with my brother has gotten better which means so much to me especially because of my connection to now TWO nephews I adore and love.
So what do I want this new year to bring? Well I don't really believe in New Year's Resolutions. I believe that life is a journey and I set goals that I can reach every day and usually they aren't goals I wish to attain in months but smaller ones or steps to larger ones. So this year I want to continue to stay behavior free and if I slip up to be honest with 24 hours with someone (probably Kelsey). I want to stay out of treatment and hopefully no UNI due to stupid med changes but that isn't under my complete control but I can reach out for support...so I guess reach out for support when I need it is a goal and also to continue to learn how to trust others and be vulnerable. Finally I want to have fun and be me. I can do it.
Recovery gives so much and Ed took away my life and I can say I have my life back but still have a ways to go. I will always have more to learn and grow. I am so thankful for my time I had at CFC, the many retreats in Nashville where I met amazing people that have changed my life for ever, my parents, family and last but never the least Kelsey. I know to treat each day as if it was my last because I know how fragile life is and how much there is to appreciate in life. I try to take each breath and love it no matter what is happening around me I know that I have the choice on what I want to do with my life. Ed doesn't control me anymore. I am free to be me and that is something I could never imagine. When he does pop up, occasionally, I can say, "To leave me be as you have no healthy purpose in my life."
So what do I want this new year to bring? Well I don't really believe in New Year's Resolutions. I believe that life is a journey and I set goals that I can reach every day and usually they aren't goals I wish to attain in months but smaller ones or steps to larger ones. So this year I want to continue to stay behavior free and if I slip up to be honest with 24 hours with someone (probably Kelsey). I want to stay out of treatment and hopefully no UNI due to stupid med changes but that isn't under my complete control but I can reach out for support...so I guess reach out for support when I need it is a goal and also to continue to learn how to trust others and be vulnerable. Finally I want to have fun and be me. I can do it.
Recovery gives so much and Ed took away my life and I can say I have my life back but still have a ways to go. I will always have more to learn and grow. I am so thankful for my time I had at CFC, the many retreats in Nashville where I met amazing people that have changed my life for ever, my parents, family and last but never the least Kelsey. I know to treat each day as if it was my last because I know how fragile life is and how much there is to appreciate in life. I try to take each breath and love it no matter what is happening around me I know that I have the choice on what I want to do with my life. Ed doesn't control me anymore. I am free to be me and that is something I could never imagine. When he does pop up, occasionally, I can say, "To leave me be as you have no healthy purpose in my life."
As I continue in school I am more amd more excited to become a psychologist one day and give back. My dreams are coming a reality. Only through recovery is it possible. It is the greatest feeling ever. Try with all your heart and you will get there in time. It is worth the wait.
