Today was just a really awesome and amazing experience. Today was my first performance of the season with my cheer team Cheer Salt Lake and it was great to be in a place where I can cheer again and be in a healthy place mind AND body. We also are a cheer for charity team, which provides a somewhat different atmosphere as we raise money for those with life threatening diseases. I will not say that I am always at this equilibrium of always having healthy thoughts about myself and my body in general or when it comes to cheer but when I think back to other years and from how far I have come I have come a million miles so to speak. I truly and honestly believe that with all of my heart. I am so grateful for my recovery as without it I wouldn't be able to cheer today.
Cheerleading is and has always been a part of my life since third grade. Throughout those years there were the good, bad, and well how about plain old sick times but I don't regret it. Cheer has always given me that sense of freedom and pride. It has always made me feel proud to be who I am. Even when I was bullied in school, those years I was a cheerleader at least those on the team, usually only during the games and practices etc., were nice and accepted me. It was something that I needed. It has always been a healthy outlet to relieve stress and to get away from other pressures in life, however, I was not always healthy while in cheer. I am proud I can say that has changed and will remain that way. I'm to the point where I can't and refuse to let my eating disorder take what I love in my life away from me. I'm a fighter. I may be really stubborn too but that does have some benefits.
If there has been one thing I have learned over the years and that has really stuck out to me today is that you should never give up on your dreams or goals that you have in life. When I was told in high school by my treatment team and doctors that I could not only not cheer but not exercise at all I thought that would be my life sentence and would never change. I had no hope to be able to return to my passion. Now they were right to pull me from cheer as it saved my life no doubt as my body couldn't physically or medically take it as well as I wasn't the best emotionally but as my recovery has evolved, changed, and I have remained largely free from eating disorder behaviors and thoughts the freedom for me to chose and make new goals and dreams have appeared and my old ones have come back. I am back cheering and though I might be in a different spot in many ways I am still so grateful everything has happened the way it has because I wouldn't have the moments like this to appreciate and be grateful for.
