wow haven't posted in forever

last night I had dance and it was just so intense. someone got hurt and competition is a week away so that's not good at all. my week has been pretty crazy and so has life lately but it has gotten better. im excited for competition cause my team and for my solo is going to rock! all of the teams will. im really not too nervous about it. i am but in a good way. i don't feel much pressure than i did when i was competitng for cheer and gymnastics and dance a while while back. so it will be good. my mommy sewed my straps for my dress for my solo. it's to Carrie Underwood's "Starts with Goodbye." I'm also happy that the second week of April I will be done with DBT which means I won't have to leave dance early on Thursdays anymore and just have to go once a week on Wednesday! Yay. 25 weeks it will have been since I started by the time I am done. UI have changed a lot, learned some new skilss but at the same time some things have gotten worse. But I'm still working on them at least. It's just hard to keep it going. I have lost weight which makes me very ahppy cause I lost like 10 now or so in the past two weeks. So i'm getting closer to my goal!!!! yayay....but others say it's not good and I don't need to loose weight especially cuz I'm in rwecovery supposedly still. Obviously right now I don't want to recover hence me restricting as much as possible and loosing weight rapidly but at least I am eating this time. Idk. it's really confusing to me. i don't want to end up back at the hospital again or more treatment. idk. right now I'm taking things one day at a time. I have sooo much on my plate so that's all I can do.
♥ Dev

The true me that no one knows

My oh my! this week has been sooooo crazy with school and dance everyday now! Yikes! The course load isn't too bad, i'm ahead still in all of my classes, but it is still overwhelming a bit. I can handle it though. they finally fixed my transcript from last year when I wan in the hospital. I missed over 100 days of school. i am aiming to miss less than 10 this year. all I can do is try. One thing that i loved this week was youth group. it was really cool this week and i love it because it gets me away from home and socializing. two things that never go with my name. most people don't know because I act a little but i hate crowds, love to be alone, usually hate not to be alone, and am very depressed constantly. no matter what happens in my life i am still depressed. it doesn't even have to have a reason. my doctor told me that and my therapist. it's part of the diseases(bipolar) and PTSD. So I just have to try to live with it and not give up. It is so hard though, sometimes I want to end it all forever. But then I think back to all of those who love and support me through this, my family, my friends, and my kitten. I can't. I have to deal with it. That's the truth.

This long weekend has been spectacular. I went on a little retreat with my family for two days to relax and stuff. I sure did. We went to our friend's house in Roosevelt, UT. It is about 3 hours from Bountiful. It was amazing.
We came home last night and stuff and today I'm hanging out with my bf, Austen, and my bff, Maren, and going up to our timeshare up at Snowbird later today. It will be a blast. I haven't seen him since church camp. WOW, that's a long time. I miss him. A lot of the time he is my only reason to live. It's true though. Him well and my family and friends. So ok I got three reasons. But anyways that's all i can think of for now. Love y'all
Dev

School

Getting back to school hasn't been nearly as hard has I anticipated. It has been pretty amazing actually. I have learned a lot in my classes already. I also made some potential good friends...one for sure. She has gone through a lot too, I didn't say much but she did. I also saw a few guys I already knew and hung out with them at lunch too. It was pretty awesome this week. I'll admit I have been overly depressed even when I'm at school.
I don't really know why either. I think i just get happens, I don't do anything to be depressed really else i would try to figure it out. I have been doing a little better, I guess. I think it is I am a little too hard on myself still. Not nearly as hard as I used to be. i know I don't have to be perfect but I want to be really close still. I am who I am and I'll just do my best. I don't regret anything in my life.
I will admit it has been easier ever since someone told me to focus on one day at a time. I was optimistic and denied it at first and didn't even want to try it. But then it got worse so I did. And you know she was right, it worked actually. It's hard I will say that but it isn't too hard that it makes it impossible. So with that said I will be doing my best to take one day at a time, eat and stay healthy.
Love ya
Dev

Hey everyone. This is my new blog site! I'm so excited.