I am a gift. I am me. Let it be.

I may not know my purpose of my life, where I am going exactly or when I will be free but the truth is I rather not know because that would unveil the adventure, the ups and the downs, and the bumps that make me, me. But that is OK! I don't need to care what other people think of me and sometimes what I think of me. I need to just be. Be comfortable with who I am and where I am. That is SOOO much harder to say than to do. I am the type of person that can say it, do it for a while, then it stops....inconsistent yes. It's has been going really well the past few months and it has been WEIRD! I don't know how to deal with it. I am not complaining but it is almost as I wish something bad will happen even though I don't want it too. It is complicated. No one is perfect is or strong all the time. If they say they are they are lying. I used to say that all the time; sometimes i still do. See the imperfection! I guess that's ok. I am content. Content doesn't mean it is all calm and good and shit. It can have some bad to it and some good but I am ok with it. I am ok with being where I am at that moment. I don't know lately where I would be without my friends and family. In 15 days it would have been a year since I walked through the doors to CFC, where that place and the people there help save, helped me save and transform my life. This past week was nine months since my discharge and I felt proud. No it wasn't the longest I have been out of treatment. That was two years but it is still an accomplishment. I don't need to measure things in time or strength but just what they mean to me. Everything matters. Everything counts and contributes in some way. So I think what is the purpose of life, why does it matter. We all are living it. Yeah i guess you have the option to end it and think that is your purpose but whatever not going into that dark area. Life is beautiful. The fact of just being able to wake up each morning, have your body and brain do what it needs to do and want is fascinating and a gift. No matter what, even if the person is "disabled or handicapped" the body and mind still function and adapt for that person. I was born to be the way I am. I believe that with my heart and soul. I will not change who I am for anyone else, because that never got me anywhere. I will just be. I will just be me. This journey has it's ups and downs and bumps but to me now, I am going to try to think of it just as a journey. Nothing but a journey I am on. I am free as I am. I am me. I am a gift. I believe everyone can do whatever they wish to achieve. I have dreams and goals still. I know what I am not. I know things about what I am. I know I can overcome anything and when I can't I have all of my friends, family and God to support me. Let it be.