Shame

The past 7 weeks I have been back to Center for Change. I am doing treatment there and have been stepping down in care. I am really proud of myself for how well I am do and my achievements there. There are some things I have been realizing about myself.

I think the first one is that my biggest problem is i have a ton of SHAME! That is my major problem. I am who I am. I love myself but I hold onto my past as well, a little too much. Shame is a problem but I have been learning to give myself some grace. Grace from others hurting me, myself, my past, and preparing for the future. I have realized that if I slip back again, oh well. I have the support. I have come along way in recovery. I caught this relapse way early. But I still have a ways to go.

I am just 19 and becoming an adult with more responsibilities. I love it though. I even like having my own apartment and utilities in my name. I like the freedom and independence I have earned. I still have freedom and freedom from Ed. Ed doesn't really control me but this time is so much harder cause I have COMPLETELY let go of my mask. I am finally digging up the core issues and working on them. But it is so worth it. I am not a patient person my any means but I am doing it. I will continue to fight cause Shame will NOT control me anymore. i got this. i am not alone. I will recover completely! Recovery is possible, even for me.

<3 me