Everything has been falling in place for me in ways I have never dreamed this spring. It is indescribable in many ways but I do know a few things: I am feeling so free to discover the true me and have been finding out what I really like to do, my passion is for life. I have the passion for art and my music like never before. I am trusting others and taking risks without being so timid and afraid. Granted I still have fear but I don't let it get to me like I have in the past. I feel like now is the best time I have had in my life. I haven't had to wear a mask or wanted to. I have been able to be completely honest with my treatment team and have continuously been working with them on goals and abiding by the contract I have in place with them. I love that I am not as scared of them or appointments but know they have the best interest in mind for me, they really care, and they love that I am changing. Granted sometimes I also feel, I am doing so well, so great so why keep this up. Well I have come up with a few reasons.
* If I let my guard down now, like in the past, Ed will sneak back in and take control so I need their support but perhaps in different ways, which I will explore with them
* I am doing well, nourishing my body and giving it what it needs-they help hold me accountable for that
* I am honest about everything I have to deal with good and bad, so I have support to deal with those problems
* I have my friends who are there for me and understand what recovery is like when I struggle- I am not getting rid or isolating myself from them-that would be a big mistake-definitely why I love MC
* My other friends and I have rebuilt our relationships and expanded them- I truly believe that this is due to my commitment and consistency in recovery I have gained through hard work
* I have had the confidence and self-esteem to go out and make new friends and enjoy and discover new passions-especially I have been discovering who I am, my music and my art
* I love myself and my life-yes it is a journey- I know it will not be all good. I am prepared for the bad- I have my safety net which includes my support, my friends, my treatment team, and MC. There will be downs, I sure cause life is not perfect-nothing is perfect. Perfection doesn't exist. Things happen-if I fall down I will be able to stand up again but without support that may not happen. I need them
So I am going to keep all my support, keep all the good things going in my life, keep working with my treatment team, taking meds, and following what my treatment team and I have decided I need to continue in life. Things may change and I have changed but that doesn't mean I just shove all of them away and think I am out of the woods. Yes I am experiencing a lot of freedom but I still need them. I am now thinking clearly of what I need to do in my life. I can use my friends as well. I just gotta keep moving forward and keep growing. I will keep growing on this journey.
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