Looking back this time last year was way different. It was good and bad. It was good I successfully finished my first semester at college. But on the no-so-good side i was hiding a lot and really losing to Ed. Well being controlled. It wasn't a time of joy really. Well when there was it was a false self. It wasn't the true self:Devyn. This season, this year, there is this true self. It's me. I haven't been here in a while, maybe years, bits and pieces for sure, not saying I've been fake at all just struggling and fighting but I'm not just barely treading and surviving I am swimming and thriving.
I am not always happy and I still often cry and am sad. I am never perfect by any means, never was nor will be. But there are many times I am glad and laughing with joy. I am told I know have a sparkle in my eye again. I don't know what that looks like but I like sparkly things. I don't even think of going back to certain things that would used to be automatic and it has been three months since one of my behaviors. That is huge, not my longest but a good start. Everything happens for a reason. This holidays season is still stressful for many different reason than last though.
I also start school in less than two weeks again! I am excited and nervous! It is good and I am working now and doing yoga again. just being busy but not too busy. Balance.gray. not black and white.
So just finally thank you to everyone who has been in my life the past you. If you have been in you have helped me one way or another and I thank you. I try to take and learn something from every experience. So Merry Christmas everyone!
<3 Dev
No comments:
Post a Comment