What's happening?

It's been crazy lately an up and down battle more than usual. I've had stress from work and school probably more because of projects and final papers but it has surprised me that despite all of this I haven't given into behaviors. In ten days in will be a year since my discharge from Center for Change and this time last year I didn't feel ready to leave nor did honestly I feel like I would last long without relapsing or going back into treatment. I learned a lot at CFC and was stable, else they wouldn't have let me go, especially as my parents have POA over me still but I have made it. Yes, I've had a short setback last May but I got back on my feet. I am truly proud of myself. Ed has truly lost control over me. I don't hear him most days; about 80% of the time he isn't around. Ed is evil and he is still near and may be for a while but all I need to do is live with appropriate caution  as one of my dear friends, Thom has said. For years I never thought that this could happen, that there would be freedom. I am experiencing freedom. Yes, I still have much to work on as ED recovery is MUCH more than the food and behaviors. That's the tip of the iceberg. I need to work on my self-esteem and a few other personal things but I'm getting there each and every day. Step by step, hand in hand it is possible. It is happening. I never thought it could happen and when I thought it could I never imagined it to this extent.

As I get closer and closer to finishing school, I graduate next year. I feel more motivated to keep working hard as I will get to help others. This time next year I will be working with others in an internship/community placement. This is something that I am stoked for and as I am trying to figure out what I want to focus on, probably Ed or DBT with adolescents or PTSD. I know in order to help others, I have to help myself. I can do it.

I don't know if this is even making sense, but if anyone reads this, I just want to say there is hope and it does get better. I promise that if you keep at it and do what your treatment team tells you or focus on the goals (healthy of course) that you will get to freedom. It takes time but is possible. It happens. It is amazing and awesome. You are never alone and there are always people out there to support you. If there is will, there is a way. We are in this battle together. We all are, no matter if it's Ed, self-esteem or any addiction. We can do this. Keep going and don't give u

Dev