Working hard never felt so good

I have had a rough patch to put it nicely the past 3 weeks or so with recovery and let's just say life in general too. I have felt soo overwhelmed with having to always be constantly busy because that is how I grew up. Trying to retrain my brain and thought processes that it is okay to have down time is very difficult. It isn't as easy as I thought, and hoped it would be. I know it is all about balancing things between work, school, friend and family, and me.

I am still working on it too but even though these past few weeks have been emotional and challenging I love the fact 1) I am not numb anymore 2) I am coping in healthy ways 3) I am asking for help and not tackling it on my own. I will continue to do so also. It was kind of hard today because I got news from my doctor again that is less than perfect but whatev cause neither am I. But I am trying to really stay positive and push through it all. I know I can and I will. I have hope for myself and my life that things will get better and they continually get better but let's face it, to any of you that know me, I am not a patient person at all. I can be with others, sometimes, but rarely with myself. But that too I am working on.

I have been working on a lot of aspects in my life and they are all improving (depending on what you are talking about) and the negative ones are declining (woohoo me!!!) I know I am not out of the dark yet but I can see light and I will see that light get bigger and brighter in time. I got to be patient because it takes time for my body and my soul to heal. I have been through way too much for someone who is 50 let alone my age but I can't change my past either. Honestly even in its' darkest light I wouldn't have it any other way because I don't know who I would be without it.

Granted I would be me still but I wouldn't be as strong as I am today or as mature, and experienced. I am NOT the typical college girl who parties all the time, let alone really ever. No I never really party with more than like 3 close friends lol. Hell...my parents were out of town so I had to house-watch and I totally could have but no. I am too much of a good girl at least most of the time lol. I think before I act most of the time. I am who I am and thank goodness I am not PERFECT. I don't quite know if I really like being imperfect either but for now I am happy just being me. I am unique, strong, beautiful, and I have all the potential in the world to do whatever I want to do!