This is different!

School just started and this is the official first full week of classes! This year I am so excited as I look back to this time last year. I was scared and was just a freshman. I moved away from home and was out of my DBT treatment program. I had still been working with my therapist, dietitian, psychiatrist, MD etc. I was still struggling with behaviors and managing my schedule too.

Now I look back to where I was and compare to where I am this year. This year I am really strong. I am out of therapy and out of with my dietitian. I am engaged in my school in clubs and student governemnt as a leader. I am in process of get a NAMI walk for next fall in Utah. I am involved again in a club called SPEAK and going to go around to high schools speaking about my story and my path to freedom and advocating. I am still not recovered period but I have come far.

I enjoy my life. I stand right back up if I struggle and fall down, what little there are. A lot can be accomplished. A year ago I made the choice that I would do whatever it takes, no matter what to defeat Ed. I still hold that promise to myself. I still belive that anyone can recover if they put in the work. It takes time. I have been working on this since i was 9 and being in and out of treatment and recovery. But this journey is well worth it. it is worth the falls, the trials and the cries. We can do this. None of us are alone and there is also professionals that help as well, when needed. ED is a disease not a choice, in my opinion. Ed is mean and cruel but we are stronger than him. We have something to fight for:life. He has nothing.

This is a battle but one that can be won by all of us. There is hope. We all have the courage and the strength and don't forget that. If you listen to your heart you can achieve anything. WE got this. No matter what it takes I will continue to fight for more freedom and this journey I will hold on to. As Cheryl says, "Recovery is a journey, not a destination." This journey may go up, down, turn, do some flips, and fall apart at times...but that is when you make a choice to get back on and take action.

This year in college, I feel and know it will be different. I am not doing any behaviors. I am doing what it takes to recover and stay consistent. I am still somewhat lost cause I knew to fight for freedom, but now I have that...I am not exactly sure what to fight for or where to go from here. I know I need to stay consistent with what I am doing though and that is a great start. I can do this. I am not alone. We are not alone. I am a leader at school as a Senator and that helps me a lot to not isolate and get out there. I know there is something to fight for and to continue on this journey. I still am walking even though I don't know what I am walking to. But there isn't a destination...so Idk. We got this though. I wonder what will come to me on this journey next.

I believe in all of you! I believe is us. You all inspire me as well. WE got this, let's keep going.
I just really needed to write.

<3 Devyn