So the past couple weeks have been AMAZING! Really ever since I went to the retreat about a month ago it has been probably one of the hardest months in my life but it has also been on of the greatest! I am finding the real me. I am finding out I can trust others and that I can also trust myself with anything. I am rediscovering parts of myself I repressed, ignored, or have never found in the first place. I am very open-minded,loving, caring, and strong. I can tackle anything I put my mind to. There is no more trying anything and hoping I can do it. I can do it. I make the right choices most of the time but even when I don't, I do my best and am positive about it. I am also a constant life-learner. I am not even talking just about my classes at college but just about life in general.
A very special person once told me that recovery is a journey and so is life. I believe that it is and that concept of journey has changed my thought processes, my outlook on life and the perspectives I have. With all of the self-love and confidence that I have gained even in only this past month I feel a good amount of freedom. It is almost indescribable. It is beautiful and warm. It is enlightening and is just beautiful to feel free and to be able love who I am. I knew I got a bunch out of the retreat but now applying all of that and working through Cheryl's book Telling Ed No that just came out I feel I am seeing more freedom each and every choice I make. I love it.
It is also amazing that I have been do so great in recovery. I have been working with my treatment team and been completely honest with them. I have been succeeding on my goals and contracts that I have had in place and requiring less restriction and control. I am now off a meal plan and have been moved into complete intuitive eating principles and just having to log it which for me is huge! I have been on some sort of meal plan ever since I first was diagnosed and entered treatment when I was 9. I have also gained back their trust and respect to be healthy and consistent enough to exercise some again. I am stoked about this because it is just proof that I have gotten further in recovery and have been doing great. My parents and treatment team have said about the past year despite struggles I have immensely improved and changed. Change is good. It reminds me of butterflies and how butterflies start as a caterpillar then change into a beautiful, magnificent, and free creature.
I love who I am and will become. It may still be hard at times but coming from a girl who was in complete denial, didn't think that I could recover, and that it was impossible and a waste of time, I know those were all lies ED told me. I am Devyn. I define my life! Not anyone else but me! <3
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